Social Isolation

One of the problems that social prescribing will address is social isolation in society and the impact that this has on health and wellbeing!

The Patients’ Stories

They were very different in age, nationality and gender but they had one thing in common – they were both socially isolated.

One was a 75 year old English gentleman lamenting at the fact that his daughters, who both live in England don’t keep in touch with him. He lives alone, had been ill during the week and worried that he was by himself while unwell. He felt he had no friends or neighbours he could call on even though he had been living in the area for over 20 years.

The other was a woman in her 30’s, from a foreign country, who had no family in the UK. She too had been unwell for a few days and worried about being alone at home while unwell. She was hoping to be admitted to hospital so that she could be around people who would care for her. She had work colleagues she knew but did not feel that it was appropriate to call on them over a weekend. She seemed to take solace in me sharing with her that I too had no family in the UK. Learning that she was not the only one somehow made it better.

My Story

I never even considered that I was in fact socially isolating myself when I came to the UK in 2001. I was met at the airport by an English woman representing the Medical Employment Agency I signed up with in South Africa and another doctor from Cape Town arriving on the same day. Up until that point I did not know anyone here. The doctor and I spent the weekend touring London before heading off to opposite ends of the country. It was great meeting him as I learnt so much. I’m sure the weekend would have been a lot less enjoyable if I had not had his company. I had not even heard of Harrods until he mentioned it and suggested we go. It was a fabulous new world for me. I went on to meet many people, through work mainly and often joined in social activities. I made lots of friends along the way but still spent a lot of time on my own and grew to appreciate this, but generally preferred time spent with others, especially meal times. I kept in touch with my parents and sisters through phone calls at least once or twice a week. Even through some challenging family times when it would have easier to just sulk and cut all ties we kept in touch and got through it. All it took was keeping streams of communication open, being patient and setting a few new boundaries.

Coupledom

Pair bonding has it’s advantages in that you do have someone there a lot of the time who like and want to spend time with you and vice versa, but of course it is best to have alone time too to keep things interesting.
The definition of ‘coupledom’ is ‘The state of living as a couple, especially when regarded as being interested in each other to the exclusion of the outside world.’ So easily done and even now too I have to consciously make time for my wider community of work colleagues and friends.

Family life

I have so far chosen not to have children, and there are times when this worried me because I wondered whether I will be socially isolated one day when the other half is no longer around. This is probably a primal fear because no sooner have I had this thought, that it is challenged by my clever brain saying ‘Even if you had children, they may not stay with you, and you won’t stop them from pursuing their dreams, which could take them to the opposite side of the world.’ That is certainly the case with me and my parents, who live in South Africa while I am in the UK.

Getting back to the patients…

I am in a privileged position as a doctor where I am allowed to ask people about their lives from a social perspective. What struck me about both these patients was that they were absolutely lovely, interesting people and I could have easily continued in conversation with them about their lives beyond their medical concerns. I had just a snapshot. It is a shame that other people in their communities do not have the pleasure of their company, and I shared this with them.

What stops us from connecting?

Could it be fear, low self esteem, self consciousness, financial concerns, prejudice or just plain old can’tbebothereditis – it is just easier sometimes to stick to the routine that we feel comfortable with. Being alone means we do not have to make the effort to indulge in another person’s whims and fancies, their emotional ups and downs, the challenges they will present to ourselves as they have different opinions and ways of doing things.

Life, only better

We are social creatures after all, and although we sometimes reluctantly do so, we have to admit that spending time with people we like or love and share common interests with is so much better than going it alone. We just have to make the effort to do so, be more tolerant and accepting of others, and hey, if you really don’t like someone, you could probably find a way to not be in their company or spend less time with them. We don’t have to like everyone!